Nfl Week 5

Matt Driffill

    Can you believe a quarter of the NFL Season is already in the books?  Time seems to just fly by when there’s 3 step drops and sack dances in the air.  Some teams are beginning to distance themselves in divisions, while other teams are beginning to establish how unqualified they are to be playing in this league.

    There are five undefeated teams left.  Three in the NFC, and two in the AFC.  Teams that some of us expected to be undefeated (Colts, Giants) and maybe teams that we didn’t expect (Broncos, Saints).  But after four weeks of compelling NFL action I think it’s time for some quarterly awards!  Heyyyooo!!!

1st Quarter Biggest Surprise

New York Jets

With a rookie coach, and a rookie quarterback most people were expecting a pretty serious down year for the Jets.  Quite the opposite.  They reeled off their first three games like a team loaded with playoff experience, and hung with the still undefeated Saints in last week’s clash of the unbeaten.  Rex Ryan’s confusing blitz schemes and Mark Sanchez’s boyish good looks have guided the Jets to the top of the AFC East after the first 4 games.  Can they hold on to it?

1st Quarter Biggest Disappointment

The Buffalo Bills

I didn’t expect much out of them this year.  But with the addition of T.O. and one more year of experience for a young defense I expected a whole of a lot better than this.  There should be serious talks about how Buffalo is one of the worst three or four teams in the league.  Things need to be shaken up.  Coach, QB, Unis, everything.

1st Quarter MVP

Peyton Manning

What else is there to say?  He’s far and away been the best player, on the team that appears to be far and away the best in the league.  He’s already won the MVP award 3 times in his career (which matches Brett Favre’s record) and a fourth would shove him into the “best of all-time talks” even though he has plenty of years left.  Already this year he has tied Frank Tarkenton for TD’s and passed Johnny Unitas for wins.  We’re only four games in, but if the Colts and Manning keep their play like this up all season, Manning will have another MVP trophy.

1st Quarter LVP

Jake Delhomme

I suspect after four more games (likely lousy performances) Delhomme and the Panthers will be insignificant enough for me to just forget about them all together.  This team went 12-4 last year, and brought everybody back from that team.  Maybe that’s there problem; they brought everyone back.  No team is struggling worse because of their quarterback play.  All because of their quarterback play.  If Matt Ryan was their quarterback they’d be undefeated.  Even if fucking Kyle Orton was their quarterback they’d be winning.  Anyone but Delhomme.

And now onto the picks....

Last Week (8-4-0)

Season (34-26-0)

(Home Teams in Bold)

Minnesota (-10) over St. Louis

I want to feel bad for St. Louis coach Steve Spagnola, but I don’t.  He was arguably the best defensive coordinator in football, with one of the most successful teams in football (Giants).  I know it’s only four games into his first year, and he was dumped into the shittiest situation in all of football, but some guys are not meant to be head coaches.  Just look at the Bills over the years.  Mike Mularkey is a brilliant and uber successful offensive coordinator.  Look what he did with the Steelers all those years and what he’s doing with Matt Ryan in Atlanta now.  Or Greg Williams, who like Spagnola always managed to have one of the best defenses in the league, but couldn’t manage the whole team.  Anyways, I hope he’s successful, he probably won’t be though.  And when he’s not I’m sure there will be a defensive coordinator position somewhere with his name on it.  Minnesota 27 St. Louis 10

Dallas (-8) over Kansas City

Can’t say I was upset last week when Denver squeaked out a win against the Boys.  However, I assume things will be different this week when Dallas travels to KC to take on one of the least talented and most dysfunctional teams in the entire league.  Everybody but the Raiders has blown out the Chiefs so far, and I expect Dallas to as well.  If Dallas doesn’t have an overwhelming victory against the Chefs in the kitchen this week I am officially writing them off as a superb team.  Maybe I already should have?

Carolina (-3.5) over Washington

This is sad.  The line, at home, against Washington, is 3.5?  Carolina coming into this season was a team that many thought had Super Bowl aspirations.  Now they’re floundering worse than a dead goldfish in the shitter.  Washington barely beat St. Louis, lost to Detroit, then barely beat Tampa Bay.  Congratulations Mr. Zorn!  You’re only the 29th best team in the league!  That might be enough to keep your job for a few weeks or so.  Carolina has to win this game if they even want to pray about playoffs.

Philadelphia (-15) over Tampa Bay

Huge, huge, huge line.  15 points in the NFL is tough to go with.  But even tougher is trying to put faith in a Bucs team that can’t seem to stop the pass.  With McNabb and Westbrook back and supposedly healthy, I like the Eagles to run up the score on them pretty early. 

New York Giants (-15.5) over Oakland

Another NFC East team at home with a huge line against a shitty team!  And again, I’m going against the points.  Oakland’s only playmaker, Darren McFadden is out, their defense looks like a shadow of last years mildly successful unit, and Janikowski looks like he put on another 30 lbs of whiskey in the offseason.  Oakland fans’ misery continues in what is sure to be a blowout loss for them when they travel to the meadow lands.

Buffalo (-6) over Cleveland

Everybody knows that I really like the Bills.  I root for them week in and week out.  The only difference is, that after a completely abysmal display against their bitter rival, I don’t get upset about it because my team is 4-0.  Instead I get to laugh at everybody who supports this sorry franchise as their primary team.  If they don’t beat the Browns by 6 at home, we can officially start throwing around “Who are the Bills going to take with the 4th overall pick?” conversations.  This is a faith pick, not a lock.

Cincinnati (+8.5) over Baltimore

Cincinnati’s defense has played well all year long, and their offense seems to improve a little bit each week, or at least do enough to win games.  I won’t say Baltimore is content, but after going 1-1 against San Diego and New England I don’t think they’ll have the intensity they need to have to pull out a 8.5 point spread.  I still think the Ravens win, but by a touchdown or so.

Pittsburgh (-10.5) over Detroit

Detroit is still in a state of euphoria after their win two weeks ago, which doesn’t equate to success on the field.  Especially when they have to play the defending champs who are coming off the demolition of one of the league’s more talented teams (San Diego).  I’ve picked with three double digit lines this week, and I do realize it’s almost impossible to hit all three, but a boy can dream can’t he?

Atlanta (+2.5) over San Francisco

I would have bet that Atlanta would have been the favorite in this game.  Usually when that happens, and you’re wrong, you bet them.  San Francisco’s a very, very tough team, but I like Atlanta’s offense too much in this one.  That coupled with that they had a bye week with a bitter taste in the mouth following a loss in New England, and I like the Falcons chances of winning this one outright.

Denver (+3) over New England

Let’s keep this party roIlling!  If Mark Sanchez and Rex Ryan can beat the Patriots, why not Kyle Orton and Josh McDaniels?!?!  Okay, maybe that’s not a great argument, but still!  The 4-0 Broncos are a favorite at home?!  That’s an outrage!  A scandal!  Go Broncos!  (My real pick is New England 19, Denver 10), but my fake pick is Denver 100, New England 0!  Let’s go Denver!

Arizona (-5.5) over Houston

Arizona needs a win.  Houston is up and down on a week, to week basis.  They were good last week against Oakland, so basic logic says they’ll be down this week when they take on the defending NFC Champs.  I am still waiting for the Matt Leinart era to begin.  When it happens, I think it’ll be just so much fun to see all the scandalous pictures that pop up of him in hot tubs with underage girls holding a beer bong.  I’m making my excited face.

Jacksonville (+1) over Seattle

Seattle is atrocious, and Jacksonville is coming back as my sleeper pick this season.  I’m pretty sure that one AFC Wild Card is going to come from the AFC South, so it might as well be the team I picked right?  Right?  Anyways, Seattle is bad, and it’s all their kickers fault!  If he could score more, stop the run, and create a better pocket for their joke of a QB, then the Seahawks would be Okay.  Coach Mora is right, it’s all Olinda Mare’s stupid face’s fault.

Indianapolis (-3.5) over Tennessee

Ouhhhhh, I don’t know about this one...... The league’s best team and my Super Bowl pick, or a team that I announced would go .500 at best and is drowning at 0-4.  Yeah.  I’ll take Indy with the 3.5 points, and so should you.  This is my “Sports Meister’s (place your corporate sponsor here) Lock of the Week!”

Miami (+1.5) over New York Jets

Last time Miami was in prime-time they played a near-perfect game against the Colts, but still came out on bottom.  The Jets however looked vulnerable last week in their loss to the undefeated Saints.  I think Sanchez will struggle in the national spotlight and the Fins will shine.  I mean look what they did to Trent Edwards last week!!  I figure if they could do it to a future hall-of-famer like that, than they could it to a lowly rookie right?