NFL Week 4

Matt Driffill

    Just loving everything that’s going on.  The Broncos, the Gators, the Yankees, the weather.  Everything is going so swimmingly right now.  You know what else went really swimmingly last week.  My NFL picks.  For the first time in a confusing three weeks of football I broke .500

    (Hold for Applause)

    I said in my column two weeks ago that this season would be a gambler’s nightmare.  Things we thought were true are no longer thought of as true because their truth is thought to be untrue.  See what the NFL does to me?  I can no longer process simple thoughts into simple sentences.  My thought process (which already could only be described in nano seconds) flies from Point A to Point B to Tebow to Point C to Let’s go roller-blading.

    I’m struggling with certain things, but not these 10 facts I saw from week 3 of the NFL Season.

1) Terrell Owens had a game without a catch for the first time in 12 years.  He’s going to explode soon.  Seriously, we’re minutes away from a press conference when he’s all dressed up and crying about his quarterback.  But believe me, it won’t be about he’s “his quarterback” and how “it’s unfair.”  It’ll be more like “Punk ass bitch” and “Piece of shit.”

2) After going 13-3 last year, the Titans are already 0-3.  Jeff Fisher really is one of the best coaches in the league (as evidenced by his long tenure there).  They have lost a close one to the Steelers, a close one to the Texans, and a close one to the Jets.  I don’t think the season is over for them just because they’ve lost to 3 quality opponents, but they already have 1 division loss and Indianapolis will have the AFC South wrapped up by week 12 or so.  They need to get going just to have a chance at the wild card.

3) While I think the Titans do have a chance still, there is a division winner from last year that doesn’t.  The Panthers have looked really bad.  They went 12-4 last year, and have almost matched that many L’s this season.  I have been saying it for years.  The Panthers have been overachieving this decade.  And when I say that, I mean they have no threat at quarterback.  The Cats have always had a running game.  Right now it’s Williams and Stewart, but it used to be the Davis, and Foster.  the Receivers have always been good and they defense has consistently been amongst the league’s best.  I like to quote John Clayton here, “Defenses don’t win you games.  Defenses keep you in games.  Quarterbacks win games for their teams in this league.”  Delhomme isn’t the answer

4) The Broncos defense has to be one of the league’s most underrated stories thus far.  I know I’m biased and you guys are all rolling your eyes, but 1 touchdown in three games is great no matter who you are playing.  Not to mention one of the teams they have defeated has wins in Green Bay and against Pittsburgh.  I’m not saying the Broncos are great, they’re not.  They won’t the division.  What I’m saying is maybe McDaniels knew all along what he was doing, because we Broncos fans haven’t seen well played defense since Tom Jackson and the Orange Crush.

5) The Falcons went into Foxborough and was basically handled by the Patriots.  I am almost a little happy that now there’s finally some realism in the world.  I would have been happier if the Falcons had won, definitely, but we knew the Patriots had to win this game.  Two lackluster efforts in their first two games, then a young coach and a young QB we’re coming into town riding a 2-0 record.  Nah, ain’t hattenin,  The Falcons played really well, but that’s the Patriots team I think we were all expecting this season.  And when Wes Welker gets healthy, they’ll be even better.

6) Is Kolb the next Matt Schaub?  The guy has looked like a stud in his two games this season.  After backing up one of the league’s premier quarterbacks (much like Schaub did with Vick for so long in Atlanta) he has developed an understanding for the offense and has been very poised in these few opportunities to impress.  When his deal is up, a team will roll the dice on him.  He was a second round draft pick, and the Eagles won’t be able to pay him back-up money when the time comes.

7) The two best teams in the league have a QB named Manning.  I still think the Colts are a little better, but you could definitely argue it either way.  I remember, not so long ago, that everybody was calling for Eli’s head and booing him every time he dropped back.  Now he’s a Super Bowl hero and the heart of New York.  People are quick to forget that for his first few years in the league, big brother Peyton struggled like Joey Harrington.  Eli has done a lot more than Peyton did in the same amount of time.  His numbers aren’t quite as gaudy, but he already has a Super Bowl and will likely have a few more when he’s ready to call it quits.

8) Mangini has to be on the hot seat right?  Three games, three blowouts.  The offense can’t score and the defense can’t stop anybody.  When is the NFL going to learn that if you come from the Bilichiek tree of coaching, you will likely be a lousy coach (crossing my fingers on McDaniels).  The Browns have looked like far and away the worst team in the league as they have been unable to do anything positive.  Even Brady Quinn’s dreamy smile seems to diminish with every passing day.  It looks as if Mangini’s last head coaching job in the NFL might be short lived.

9) I am so happy for the Lions.  Did you see how excited they were?  Did you see how excited all 10 fans were?  It was really great to watch them celebrate like they had clinched a playoff spot.  The fans deserve it, and so do the young guys on the team that really want to win for their city.  Everybody stuck around and shook hands with fans and signed autographs and I just really loved everything about it.  Maybe it’s because they’re so pathetic, but I can’t help but not root for these guys.  I like Stafford, and I like their coach.  I hope the ship gets turned around real quick and they can play competitively in their tough division.

10) Did I say Mangini is on the hot seat?  Then what could you describe the seat that Jim Zorn sits on.  The burning porter potty from hell that has shit all over the walls?  The Washington Redskins coach is 1-2 with a lousy performance against the Rams and a loss to the Lions.  Many analysts predicted them to be a playoff team this season.  I didn’t, but I certainly thought they would be a lot better than this.  They look pathetic, and also look like they’re far away from reaching where we thought they would this year.  It’s just another year where Daniel Snyder proves that spending the most money doesn’t equal championships.

And now on to the picks....

Season (26-22)

Last Week (11-5)

Home Teams in Bold

Oakland (+9.5) over Houston

I’d like to quote my cousin Kris, who is an avid Raiders fan, “We’d be good if Jarmarcus Russell’s limp dick excuse of an arm could throw a decent ball.”  Is this a major story in the NFL?  The Raiders have an above average running game, and feisty defense, but a passing game that is more inexistent than the humor in “Funny People.”  If they went back and could do it again I think they would have taken Adrian Peterson over Jamarcus Russell, and then taken Joe Flacco the next year.  The Raiders have notoriously bad drafts, but McFadden is solid and the O-line looks tough.  They just need help from their former #1 pick.  Okay, that’s my Raiders rant.  Houston has impressed me the last two weeks, but if I ever took the Texans on a 9.5 line I think I would give up on humanity.  Moving on.

Jacksonville (+3) over Tennessee

These Jaguars are killing me!  First I pick them to go to the playoffs.  Then they suck ass so I take my pick back.  Then they say they want Tim Tebow and I love them.  Then Tebow fakes a concussion to try to scare off the Jags draft process and I hate them.  Then they beat Houston and I think they can do it!  I don’t know how to pick these games, but you never can take an 0-3 team as the favorite on the road right?  Is that even possible?

New England (-2) over Baltimore

We’ll find out a ton about both of these teams this week.  We know New England’s good.  We know Baltimore has looked great.  A lot of questions will be answered this Sunday about if Baltimore is as good as we think they are, and if New England is really “back.”  I have to like New England by two at home against a 3-0 team.

Cincinnati (-5.5) over Cleveland

It is no secret.  I am taking the favorite against Cleveland until they can cover.  I don’t care if the line is 30 points, I’m a man of my word

New York Giants (-8.5) over Kansas City

I thought Kansas City was going to be better this year.  I suppose I overestimate Cassell and coach Haley.  Of course the book is not yet closed on them, it’s only 3 weeks in and they have showed flashes of decency, but they’re not going to beat the Giants.  The Giants are F’n stacked.

Chicago (-10) over Detroit

Again!  I hate picking Gay Butler at the Bears to cover games, but the spreads are so enticing sometimes.  Detroit is coming off a win at home, and will probably still be in a happy daze.  Chicago is just taking care of business as they try to catch up to their rival in the NFC North, the 3-0 Vikings.  Bears in this one, 27-13

Washington (-7) over Tampa Bay

I am saying Washington is going to cover strictly because I worry for Jim Zorn and his family.  While I like the Bucs, this is their rebuilding year and they shouldn’t win many games.  If Tampa wins this game, Zorn is in for a bigger flood than Noah.  Except unlike the prophet Noah, Zorn has no ark.  He has an extremely talented football team and no excuses for being 0-3.  Good luck!

Indianapolis (-10.5) over Seattle

This is my Super Bowl team!  Much like Cleveland, until they don’t cover, I’m pickin’ the Colts.  Seattle is lousy and Hasselbeck is likely out again.  I would be excited for fantasy reasons, but three of my best players (Gore, Welker, and Felix Jones) are all battling injuries and my team is floundering at 2-1.  Ugh!  Anyways, go Peyton Manning.  If he keeps his play up all season he could be taking home is unprecedented 4th NFL MVP.

New Orleans (-7) over New York Jets

The Saints are either going to win big, or lose.  There’s no way a team with this much firepower can’t cover a spread of 7.  That said, they can lose to a team that’s defense is as confusing as Baltimore’s has been for the last few years.  The Jets blitz packages are throwing every offense off balance.  This is going to be an exciting game and I can’t wait to see who comes out on top.  I go with New Orleans big, or Jets small. 

Buffalo (-2) over Miami

If Buffalo falls to 1-3, and worse 0-2 in their division, their season is over.  They would be in last place and likely chasing the Jets and Patriots for the rest of the season.  If Dick Jauron wants to keep his job they need to squish the fish this week.  The running game has been great thus far, and with Marshawn Lynch back from his three game suspension, maybe the passing game will open up against a Dolphins secondary that has been abused this season.

San Francisco (-9.5) over St. Louis

Although my feelings for the Niners are a lot less potent without Frank Gore in the lineup, I still have a love affair with Patrick Willis, Vernon Davis, and their unis.  So I like them to cover.  Oh yeah, and they’re playing the Rams.  The Rams are less talented than John Daly with a putter.  They are pathetic.

Denver (+3) over Dallas

I don’t think Denver is going to win.  I’m taking a leap of faith.  All season I have been touting the Cowboys as really good, and everything else.  And while I think they are good and think they are going to win the division, I still don’t like them.  People have accused me of being a Cowboys fan, and I’ve never been more hurt in my life.  They are not America’s team and I don’t like them.  I’m willing to take the loss this week to prove a point to some of my readers.

Pittsburgh (-6.5) over San Diego

The story that Polamalu might play definitely kicked this game up a notch.  San Diego had one bad game against the Raiders (and won) and one pretty good game against the Ravens (and lost).  They’re a very good team, but I can’t can’t can’t see the defending champion Steelers losing their third game in a row in front of the hometown fans.  Can’t see it.

Minnesota (-3.5) over Green Bay

This sucks so bad.  I love Peterson and Percy Harvin, but I F’n hate Brett Favre more than Michael Beasley hates drugs (he went to rehab right?  I think so).  And I like the Jean Gay Peckers to a certain extent, but I don’t think they’re going to win this game in Minnesota.  Not in prime time is when Debt Favre seems to play his best.  I hate this pick, and I can’t wait for the Vikings to go play in Lambeau later this year.