NFL Week 3

Matt Driffill

    I’m not going to start another column with “ZOMG!” Am I?  I am.  ZOMG!  If you thought the first week of the NFL season was thrilling, intense, exciting, surprising, blah blah blah, than week 2 was adjectives that Dr. Seuss would never even think of using.

    Mind boggling things happened this weekend.  Ready for the rundown?  Ready?  Check it.  The shitty bang bang Broncos are 2-0.  The Lions were winning a game (at halftime).  The Bengals went into Lambeau and beat the Peckers.  The Texans looked awful last week than went into Tennessee and defeated the Titans.  Raiders looked impressive in consecutive weeks.  The Saints look like the best team in the NFL.  The Rams held a team to single digits.

    (Breath)

    The Cardinals bounced back strong against the Jaguars.  The 49ers won again and are on top of the NFC West.  T.O scored his first touchdown.  Both Mannings led their teams to wins late in the fourth quarter.  The Ravens went into San Diego and upset the Bolts.  But lastly, the defending champion Steelers went down.

    Forget anything?

    Yes.  The New York Jets beat the New England Patriots.  Repeat.  The New York Jets beat the New England Patriots.  Everything in the previous two paragraphs is blown away in the dust at this fact.  Tom Brady and the all of a sudden super vulnerable Patriots lost to a rookie coach and a rookie quarterback?  This has to be a sign of the apocalypse.  At the very least it could be the plot of a Nicholas Cage movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.  Thinking of something like “The Undertone.”  Needs tweaking.

    But here are 10 thoughts from week 2 of the NFL season thus far.

1) I cannot stress how vulnerable the Patriots are.  They’re offense looks bad, their defense looks bad, and their head coaches hooded sweatshirt looks bad.  While we should be giving the Jets credit, and they do deserve credit for the win, this is more so on New England.  Bills and Dolphins fans should be rejoicing.  The AFC East is all of a sudden a lot more open.  I won’t be surprised by anybody winning this division.

2) The Saints have to be considered as one of the best teams in the league.  Two quality games thus far with an offense that is on pace to break records.  The weirdest thing is, with Drew Brees and his “Dynasty on ‘rookie’ setting” numbers, the Saints’ offense still isn’t one dimensional.  They have run for almost 400 yards in two games, and look unstoppable when they’re going up (on offense).  I like them this year, but there may just be one team in their way,

3) Sophomore slump?  Ain’t happening.  Matt Ryan and the Falcons, and Joe Flacco with his Ravens are both 2-0 thus far, and coming off of big wins.  We knew Ryan can carry a team, but he looks like a seasoned veteran.  Not somebody who should be getting I.D.’d at bars.  Flacco was blessed with great defense, great running backs, and great eyebrows, but I certainly didn’t expect him to play like this so far.  He’s looked like a real quarterback, not a game-manager.  If Flacco and Ryan continue their efforts, it’s not unrealistic to think these sophomores might be Super Bowl Bound.

4) People often call me a basher of Trent Edwards (or Tredwards).  I am not a basher!  I throw bashes, and occasionally bash, but I’m no basher!  I like Tredwards, I’m rooting for him, honestly.  I just disagree with the amount of love he receives sometimes.  And it ranges.  My older brother considers him “Bar none, the greatest quarterback in the history of football.”  He says it with a sarcastic tone, but a realistic and passionate glint in his eye.  Buffalo Bills commercials have even drawn comparisons to Jim Kelly.  He’s shown flashes of brilliance, but he’s also shown that he’s not a Pro-Bowler yet.  He’s accurate, but sometimes over-conservative (Last week doesn’t count, the played the Bucs).  I hope he’s great, I hope the Bills are great, I’m just not completely sold yet.

5) All off-season I heard rumors that the Wildcat offense was dead, that defenses in the NFL have adjusted to the gadget formation and it wouldn’t work.  The team from South Florida with the extremely intimidating teal Dolphin on their helmet would argue otherwise.  Ronnie Brown and company looked great as they slashed the Colts defense for 200+ rushing yards and 45+ minutes of possession.  Can’t wait for Michael Vick to get behind the Wildcat.  He doesn’t seem like much of a dog person anyways.

6) I hate Jay Cutler.  How could you not?  ESPN’s Bill Simmons wrote last week that he was good for the NFL because everybody loves to hate the villain.  Yeah, we love the villain when he’s thwarted and embarrassed by the hero (Jean Gay Peckers), not when the villain does the thwarting and embarrassing (defeating the defending champion Steelers).  I loved watching him throw 4 INTS, and hated watching him win.  Maybe he’s good for the NFL, maybe he’s taking years of people in Denver’s life.  Regardless, what ever team he plays on for the rest of his career, will be my least favorite team in the NFL.

7) Sorry for picking the Jaguars to make the postseason.  I wanted to go out on a limb and predict something that could shake the very foundations of humanity.  I was wrong, this team isn’t sniffing the ass of the playoffs this season.

8) Sorry for picking the Lions to win three games this season.  I wanted to go out on a limb and predict something that could shake the very foundations of humanity.  I was wrong, this team isn’t sniffing the ass of 3 wins this season.

9) I don’t know what to believe about the Broncos.  They played two of the lousier teams in the league, and should have lost to the Bengals, but they currently sit at 2-0 and have only allowed 13 points this season.  Realistically I know the Broncos aren’t going to win the division, and have likely peaked as far as winning streaks go this season.  However, a boy can dream can’t he?

10) Love the 49ers.  Can’t stress it enough.  Once the Broncos fall of the table (should be for the rest of the season) I’m riding the Frank Gore train.  Never been more excited about a team that I wasn’t a fan of.  Will write about them every week.  Ya cun blee dat

And now onto this weeks picks.....

(Home teams in bold)

Last Week (8-8-0)

This Season (15-17)

Tennessee (+2.5) over NY Jets

The Titans pretty much have to win this one.  Nobody starts out 0-3 and makes the playoffs.  Ask any coach or fantasy football player.  It’s too big of a hole to climb out of and morale will be too low.  Jets might be distracted by the whole tampering case, maybe not though.  Regardless, I’m picking the Titans because I feel like this is it for them.  The AFC South is too tough for an 0-3 team.  The Jaguars know.

Houston (-4) over Jacksonville

The Texans look to improve to 2-1 after their week 1 debacle against the Jets.  They went to Music City last week and pulled out a close win despite a phenomenal day from Chris Johnson.  Jacksonville however is not very good, and likely won’t be able to stay in this one.  I like Houston big in this one.

Kansas City (+9.5) over Philadelphia

9.5 is a pretty steep line.   I don’t like KC to win, and they probably won’t cover either.  But I’d be kicking myself if I looked at at 21-13 win and picked the Eagles.  If Kolb and company want to go out and beat them by more than 10, all the power to them.  Can’t be mad about that, especially if it’s an AFC West team.  But I’ll take the points.

Baltimore (-13.5) over Cleveland

What?  9.5 is steep, but 13.5 isn’t?  It’s very steep, but so is the metaphorical mountain that the Browns have to climb if they ever plan to cover a spread this decade.  The Broncos would’ve covered this spread last week, so I hope the Ravens, who have looked like one of the best teams in the NFL, can cover.  I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Ravens shut them out.  Actually, I’d be more surprised if they didn’t shut them out.

NY Giants (-7) over Tampa Bay

How could I not like this line?  The Giants look great and they’re playing one of the NFL’s worst teams.  Raheem Morris could be doing voiceovers for Bob the Builder they’re rebuilding so bad.  I mean, Dallas blew them out of the water in week 1, and then the Giants beat the Cowboys in week 2.  I’m not so good at calculus, but I’m pretty sure that stands for something.

Detroit (+6.5) over Washington

Here it is!  The Lions are not only going to cover, they’re going to win!  Outright winner here in the Motor City.  Washington is struggling, and the Lions were even winning for a little while.  If the defense plays slightly below average (which my Lions standards would be comparable to the ’08 Steelers D), and the offense plays really shitty (opposed to their disgustingly shitty) I think the Lions and coach Gym Shorts pull one out here.

Green Bay (-6.5) over St. Louis

The Rams serve as a rich barometer to find out how good teams are.  The Seahawks are an average team because the beat the Rams 28-0.  The Redskins must suck because they only won 9-7.  Green Bay looked good in week 1, and bad in week 2.  Anything less than a 30 point win, and I’m dropping them off my contender list and adding them to my Not-Contender list.  They aren’t pretenders just yet.

San Francisco (+6.5) over Minnesota

Love, love, love San Fran!  The VIkings have been shockingly one dimensional.  Fortunately for them, their one dimension is a man who defies previous dimensions and causes dementia.  I thought for sure Favre’s presence on the field would call for more pass plays, but I’m glad to see where he stands; on the same level as Tavaris Jackson and Gus Ferrotte.  Anyways, the 49ers defense should at least put up some kind of a fight, and maybe their offense can generate some points too.  I’m rooting for them (which will probably end up cursing them)

New England (-4) over Atlanta

If Atlanta, who is 2-0, can go into New England and beat the Patriots, I’m officially on the Falcons and off the Patriots.  Maybe it’s been their slow and steady dominance of football for almost a decade, but I deem it unreasonable to believe that the Patriots won’t win this game.  They were supposed to win last week.  They were supposed to blow out the Bills.  I don’t know what’s going on, but if my faith in humanity is to be restored, the Patriots need to win this game (by four points).

Chicago (-2.5) over Seattle

Fucking hate the Bears, but Seattle isn’t very good, and they’re really not good when Hasselbeck has a broken rib.  Hope the final is Bears 3; Seahawks 0.  I feel like I’m picking the Red Sox in a playoff game.  I’m betraying myself in a bad, bad way and I will pay for this,

New Orleans (-6) over Buffalo

Sorry to everybody that is going to this game, but the Saints are not the Buccaneers.  The Saints are much better at everything.  Every facet of the game.  Sure the Bills play great at home and the fans will be loud to try to slow down that prolific offense in the first quarter.  But it’s a lot harder for fans to be loud if their team is down 21-0 in the first 6 minutes of the game.  And the Saints have the firepower to make that happen.  Watch out.

Miami (+6) over San Diego

I like the wildcat running all over San Diego’s surprisingly lousy defense.  Miami’s defense looked pretty terrible in the 7 plays they were on the field on Monday, but the Chargers are not the Colts, and Phillip Rivers couldn’t be further from Peyton Manning.  Plus I love rooting against the Chargers.

Pittsburgh (-4) over Cincinnati

Pittsburgh loses and Cincinnati wins in week 2.  You think Money Tomlin and his boys are going to lose to Marvin Lewis and the gang?  You make your pick and that’s fine with me.  I like the Steelers.  If the Sportsmeister had corporate sponsors, this 4 point line would be the “place corporate sponsor here” lock of the week.

Denver (+1) over Oakland

After two solid defensive efforts in a row, the Broncos take their show to their arch nemesis.  The Raiders have looked much better than expected in their first two games and could be 2-0 as well.  But let’s be honest, neither of these teams are that good.  Just because they’ve played well thus far doesn’t mean much.  We’ll find out which one is the better team this week, but we won’t know how good they are until they are playing  more established teams in the coming weeks.

Indianapolis (+2) over Arizona

I like the Colts over everybody baby!  They’re my Super Bowl pick!  Arizona looked decent in Jacksonville last week, but anybody could say that.  For god sakes, Cardinals fans outnumbered Jags fans 3-1 at an away game.  Just sad, sad business going down in that area lately.  Feel sorry for MoJo and the gang.

Dallas (-9.5) over Carolina

If my preseason picks even want to be close the Cowboys have to win this game.  They won’t be able to catch the (soon-to-be) 3-0 Giants if they go to 1-2.  They might not cover, but I want to believe they will.  Please?

And now, without further adieu, the No bias, no Bull SportsMeister Power Rankings!

Rk/Team /Comments

1) IND-- 2-0 and my Super Bowl Pick.  Sounds like #1 to me

2) NYG-- Beating Dallas late in Dallas was HUGE!  HUGE!

3) BAL-- They could make a serious case for #1 but Flacco’s eyebrows.  Ew

4) NO-- Drew Brees is the landslide MVP thus far and the Saints look great

5) ATL-- No sophomore slump from Ryan.  Big test this week in NE

6) MIN-- Losing to Detroit at halftime?  Shame on you Scandinavians

7) PIT-- Tough loss in Chicago to a Bears team that came ready to play

8) NYJ-- They look great so far.  What else can I say?

9) PHI-- Without McNabb they are obviously not a Super Bowl team

10) CHI-- F Jay Cutler

11) SF-- Arguably the greatest team in the history of sports

12) GB-- Losing to Cincy at home is just sad for a team with playoff aspirations

13) NE-- I don’t know what’s going on with this team.  We’ll find out more on Sunday

14) SD-- We know they’re a lot better than they’re playing so far

15) DAL-- Don’t write off the Cowboys for losing to a very good NYG team at the end

16) ARZ-- Offense looked back against Jacksonville* (notice asterisk)

17) HOU-- I wrote them off, but they went into Music City and won

18) DEN-- See #11

19) CIN-- One Gus Johnson orgasm away from being 2-0

20)  MIA-- Wildcat looked back, and the Fins looked impressive.

21) BUF-- Big win last week, but tough game this week.  NO is not TB

22) TEN-- 8-8.  At least one prediction will be right this season

23) OAK-- Still impressing me every week.  Oh god

24) WAS-- 2 pt win over WAS isn’t good.  Ask some WAS fans

25) CAR-- 0-2 and 0-1 in division.  Down year for the Cats uh?

26) KC-- QB Controversy?  Doubt it.  Cassell is better than Croyle

27) SEA-- They’ll never catch the Niners!  Never!

28) JAC-- So much for my season sleeper!  F!

29) TB-- They’ll be good in a couple of years probably, but just not enough yet

30) CLE-- Losing by 17 to Denver is never a good sign

31) STL-- Held a team in single digits.  They overachieved for the season

32) DET--Being up at halftime is a start, but this is the week