NFl Week 2

Matt Driffill

ZOMG.  If the first week of the NFL Season is any indicator of what’s to be expected during this campaign, then we as fans are in for a treat.  We as gamblers however are in for a nightmare.  If you’re not the Detroit Lions, St. Louis Rams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, or the Cleveland Browns, you got a chance.

The Bills damn near beat the Patriots in Foxborough.  The Raiders damn near beat the Chargers.  The 49ers did beat the reigning NFC Champion Cardinals in Arizona.  Kansas City put up a serious fight against the Ravens.  Tennessee almost beat Pittsburgh.  Jacksonville almost beat the Colts.  The Jets upset the Texans.  The Redskins hung with the Giants.  The Packers abused Jay Cutler on their way to defeating the Bears.  Brandon Stokely pulled off the “immaculate deflection” as Gus Johnson had an orgasm on live television.

Wow.  That was only week 1?  It seems as if maybe we are being slightly spoiled as sports fans.  I won’t even go into college football (Boise State punch, Bradford’s shoulder, etc).

What I’m getting at is that it’s going to be a weird couple of months.  Teams we all thought would suck might surprise.  Teams we thought would be good might also surprise (negatively of course).  So before this week’s picks, I would like to say these ten things.

1) I saw at least three bad roughing the passer calls.  I’m all for protecting the quarterback, especially on low tackles, but you have to let these guys play a little bit.

2) It’s as if the Bills are destined to be the team that has at least one major collapse ever season.  Whether it’s Norwood, Music City Miracle, Losman’s fumble against the Jets, or McKelvin’s fumble last night; it’s clear to see this team is cursed.  They were up 11 with less than five minutes left, yet every Bills fan was just waiting for it to happen.  The whole city of Buffalo knew they would do something.  It didn’t matter how well their defense played, Bills fans knew, hell even the Bills probably knew, that they weren’t defeating the Patriots in Foxborough on Tom Brady’s triumphant return.  They did look good though, I’ll give them that.

3) When I watched Brandon Stokely’s game-winning catch at the end of the game I was too excited to enjoy the real beauty in the play.  Go youtube the play and listen to CBS announcer Gus Johnson.  I’ve watched it well over 50 times and cracked up on every single viewing.  “OH GOD!  STOKELY!  OHHH!  AHHHH!”

4) Brian Urlacher out for the year will kill the Bears.  So will a struggling quarterback who’s also a whiny coward.  So fucking happy about that.

5) Mark Sanchez look really good while Matt Stafford didn’t.  Maybe Sanchez is just better, but I think it has a lot more to do with the Jets having a good running game and way better defense.

6) I can’t tell if it was the 49ers playing great or the Cardinals playing badly, but something was going on.  Maybe Mike Singletary is the greatest coach ever, because they are not nearly as talented as the Cardinals, and had no business beating them in Arizona.

7) Don’t think the Seahawks are back.  They played the Rams.  BYU could beat the Rams

8) A prediction I never announced but thought a lot about was that the Chiefs’ Larry Johnson was going to have a big comeback year.  11 carries for 20 yards is not a great start.  Why am I even saying this then?  Oh god

9) While they looked a lot better because they were playing the Bucs, I still like the Cowboys this year.  Romo and the offense looked great.  I thought (hoped) Felix Jones would get more touches, but his time will come soon.

10) Colts losing Anthony Gonzalez will end up hurting the Cotls more than the losing Troy Polamula will hurt the Steelers.  The Steelers are deep and talented everywhere and WR is thin in Indy.

And now on to week 2’s picks....

(Home teams in bold)

Last Week (7-9-0)

Overall (7-9-0)

Kansas City (-3.5) over Oakland

I’ll admit that Oakland looked 100,000,000 times better than I expected them too.  That said, so did Kansas City.  Playing in Arrowhead against a worse team, I like the Chiefs here.  I won’t be too surprised if the Raiders squeak out a win, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Raiders cover.  But you really think I’m gonna pick the Raiders?  I might go all year without picking them.  They’re dirty ol’ bums.

Houston (+7) over Tennessee

Interesting huh?  Tennessee looked good up in Pittsburgh while Houston looked horrible at home against the lowly Jets.  So why do I have them covering a seven point spread on the road against a much better opponent?  Because last week I picked with common sense and logic and had a losing record.  Sports Meister is going against the grain this week baby!  Plus the Titans offense doesn’t scare me enough to think they could cover 7 against almost anybody (Save Detroit).

New England (-6.5) over NY Jets

Again, New England looked bad at home and the Jets looked fantastic on the road last week.  However this one isn’t as against the grain as the Patriots really are one of the league’s best teams, no matter what last week’s game against the Bills may have portrayed.  Not to mention Jets coach Rex Ryan is running his mouth about the Patriots.  It’s on!  It’s on motherfucker!

Green Bay (-9.5) over Cincinnati

How could Cincinnati possibly bounce back after last week?  How could anybody bounce back from last week?  You think you Bills fans have it bad?  Try to think about if you’re one of the franchises 11 remaining fans and you have to endure Brandon Stokely scoring a go-ahead touchdown that wouldn’t even be in the class of a “Hail Mary” with 11 seconds left.  The Bengals are pathetic.  I thought with a healthy Palmer their offense might be okay this season, but they couldn’t even move the ball against the lowly Broncos.  Not to mention Green Bay is coming off an impressive victory and are playing at home.  I like the Packers big in this one.

Minnesota (-9.5) over Detroit

Yeah I do feel a little bad because I am going to pick against Detroit every single this year, but what would they like me to do?  Nothing is going right with this team and now they’re playing the Vikings who are fresh off the demolition of the Browns.  Adrian Peterson’s numbers will be something like 6 carries, 389 yards, 5 TD’s.  Maybe a little higher, I’m being liberal.  Pretty much any spread under double digits against the Lions is bookies giving away money at this point.

New Orleans (+1.5) over Philadelphia

How could I pick Philly?  I know I picked them to reach the Super Bowl, but if there’s a game for them to lose, this is it.  If I called the Saints offense prolific it would be the “Bud Light Understatement of the Week!”  Brees looked great, and Sean Payton is easily one of the top 3 play callers in the entire NFL.  I might think the Saints could win this regularly, but the fact that McNabb might not play seals the deal.  Could be an awesome game though.

Carolina (+6) over Atlanta

Again with thinking against logic and reason!  Atlanta looked great last week against the defending AFC East champions and the Panthers looked atrocious against the Eagles last week.  I’m picking the Panthers to cover the spread.  If Delhomme can keep it to only 3 turnovers and force the ball to Steve Smith as much as possible they can stay in it and maybe even win it.  They have two solid running backs, but if they make Delhomme throw the ball 30-40 times they have no chance at covering let alone winning.  Over the years I’ve generally thought Panthers coach John Fox was a pretty good coach, but we’ll really see in these next couple of weeks.

Washington (-10) over St. Louis

Kind of like the Detroit situation in St. Louis.  Last week the Rams made the Seahawks looks like the ’85 Bears, and make no mistake about it, the Seahawks suck.  The Washington Racially Insensitive’s looked tough late last week against the Giants but were never really threatening, but they would likely be the favorite out in the NFC West which is in shambles to the core right now.

Arizona (+3.5) over Jacksonville

Oh god, second week in a row picking against my season sleeper.  It’s a long season though and I got a feeling that the Cardinals are gonna whoop the Jags ass.  I’m talking about a beat down.  Hopefully it’s bad enough where Leinart can get some playing time.  We’re all waiting for this guy to shine and Old Man Warner (doesn’t that sound like stereotypical old guy #1 from a movie) is on his way out.  His hair is grayer than elderly elephant’s nut sack.  The Jags are going to make the playoffs despite starting out 0-2 this season.

San Francisco (-1.5) over Seattle

I am all over the 49ers bandwagon.  Love Frank Gore, love Patrick Willis, and love their unis.  I love everything about the Niners and want them to win the division going away.  A win this week at home against the Seahawks would put them at 2-0 in their division alone.  If the Broncos flare out early, this is my backup team.

Buffalo (-6) over Tampa Bay

Oh poor poor Buffalo.  While you may have lost in heartbreaking fashion to a much more talented New England team, there are still plenty of moral victories to be had.  And if you’re not one for moral victories, then expect a real one this Sunday when the Fucccaneers come into town.  The Ralph will be rocking and the Sports Meister may even be in attendance.  Tampa Bay looked like shit last week, and I can’t really expect much from them yet.

Denver (-3) over Cleveland

Am I already jinxing them?  Probably, but at least out of respect I hope the Broncos can cover a three point spread against the Cleveland Browns,  Mangini is a lousy coach and he has a lousy team to coach.  Whereas the Broncos have high spirits and lady luck.  You take your pick, but as the old saying goes, I’d rather be lucky than lousy any day of the week.  Is that the old saying?

San Diego (-5) over Baltimore

San Diego is a lot better than what they showed against the Raiders on Monday.  The Ravens aren’t as good as they showed against Kansas City on Sunday.  I can’t see Flacco and the O putting up that many points in San Diego this week.  Plus the Chargers offense is a lot more explosive and effective with Sproles in the lineup opposed to Tomlinson.  The Chargers, Colts, and Patriots will all show their true colors this week.

Pittsburgh (-3) over Chicago

Should be a really good game in the Windy City this week.  Steelers D is hurting without their emotional leader and most talented player (Polamalu) and the Bears are hurting without talent and composure at the QB position (Cutler).  I hate the Bears and will enjoy watching them lose every chance I can.  I’ll DVR Sportscenter when they lose so I can go back and see Cutler crying after yet another INT.  Love it all, and I want Pittsburgh to drive them into the ground.  Pittsburgh by 39! (49-13)

Dallas (-3) over NY Giants

Winner of this game wins the division!  Count it!  One of them will run with momentum all season long while the other scrambles to catch them.  This is it!  And I picked the Cowboys preseason so I can’t bail on them yet because I want nothing more than the satisfying feeling of a correct prediction.  I won’t apologize to the Giants fans unless they lose.  I like the Giants a lot more than the Cowboys, it’s no secret.  But I was thinking all off season about how talented the Cowboys were and how nobody was saying anything about them.  I’m sayin’ something!

Indianapolis (-3) over Miami

Is this a no-brainer or is this a no-brainer.  Miami couldn’t cover 12 last week against the Falcons and now they’re squaring off against Peyton Manning in prime time?  Forget about it.  Manning will have a field day, but I am also predicting rookie running back Donald Brown to have a breakout game in South Florida this weekend.  I am also predicting a flukey defensive/special teams TD from the Dolphins this week in response to an early Colts score.  Count it!  Count it!

And now the No Sponsors, No bull (aside from the Bud Light understatement of the week of course) Power Rankings

Rank/Last Week/Team/Comments