NFL Week 11

Matt Driffill

    Last week’s NFL action proved a number of things.  1) No matter how good their fans are, shitty teams don’t belong on Monday Night Football, let alone hosting it.  2) The Broncos, as originally expected, aren’t winning the AFC West.  It’s a lot better that we have our division clinching game this week opposed to the last week like last year; a little less disheartening.  3) The NFL remains as whacky and unpredictable as ever.  The Packers lose to Tampa Bay then beat up on the Cowboys.  The Panthers beat the Falcons, the Redskins beat the Broncos, the Bengals beat the Steelers twice, and Vince Young is 3-0.  Wow.

    But what we learned most from last week was that the Patriots-Colts rivalry is the best rivalry in sports right now.  Every time they’ve met over the last decade has been memorable, and Sunday night was the crown jewel in a long list of great games.

    You all know how it went down, Coach Bill went for it on an aggressive 4th down call and it backfired.  Say whatever you want, but Manning 30 yards away, or Manning 70 yards away, he’s still going to find the end-zone in that last two minutes.  I would’ve punted it, but I don’t blame him for trying to go for it.  Manning has that effect on people.

    But who won and lost is only important to the fact that this is, in fact, the greatest rivalry in sports right now.  It’s not as timeless, or classic as some others, but the NFL isn’t built that way.  It’s a league where you’re only “rivals” are divisional opponents, or classic rivalries that no longer matter whatsoever, or both (Broncos-Raiders is a prime example of a lousy rivalry).

    Colts Patriots features the two best quarterbacks of our era.  Don’t argue for Brees, or Warner, or even Favre.  It’s irrelevant.  Manning and Brady are going to go down as the two best of all time and we get to see them go at it on a year-year basis. 

    The rivalry was owned by the Patriots for the first five years.  Hell, it wasn’t even a rivalry, the Colts were just the Patriots whipping boys.  Playoffs, regular season, dominoes, anything.  The Patriots owned them.  And it looked like that pattern was going to continue on when they played each other in the 2006 AFC Championship.  Down 21-0 the Colts looked like they were playing bridesmaids once again.

    WRONG!

    The Colts come back, win that game, win the Super Bowl, and have owned the rivalry ever since (5-1 against the Patriots since that game).  It officially became a rivalry, and this week’s latest chapter solidified it amongst the best we’ve seen on the Gridiron in some time.

    DJ Gallo jokingly wrote this week, “The winner of the Colts-Patriots game has gone onto win the Super Bowl each of the last eight seasons.  No?  Well it seems that way.”  That’s because Sunday was a Super Bowl like atmosphere, and a Super Bowl worthy performance from both teams.  I have a feeling we might be seeing more from these two in late January.

And now onto the picks....

Last Week (6-9-0)

This Season (75-67-1)

Home teams in bold....

Carolina (-3) over Miami

I can explain, I can explain.  First instinct says that if Delhomme is laying points, you run the other way, but maybe, just maybe, Delhomme is a tool of Tony Sparano’s plot to have the mafia control the NFL and he’ll play as he’s directed to play.  No?  Actually that’s pretty retarded.  It would make more sense to say that the Panthers are coming off of wins against Arizona and Atlanta while Miami will be missing Ronnie Brown.  Yeah, I’ll go with that argument instead.

Detroit (-3) over Cleveland

If you thought last week’s Oakland vs. Kansas City game was a shit show you won’t want to miss this.  I’m curious to see what kind of quarterback play we see from Cleveland this week.  I mean I was borderline thinking of picking up Detroit’s defense for fantasy this week because they’re playing the Clowns.  Think about that, Detroit’s defense might be the league’s best fantasy scorer this week.

Jacksonville (-8) over Buffalo

Don’t look now, but the team I’ve picked, dumped, begged to get back together with, then cheated on with, is 5-4 and in a fighting chance for a wild card spot.  It helps that they get to take on the lowly Buffalo Bills, one of the league’s worst teams, this week.  As for Buffalo, I’m just about finished trying to root for them.  Just atrocious season from the Bills in every single aspect.  Am I the only one seeing uninspired play week after week?  I know I’m not because we’re all forced to watch them in this TV Market.  Bleh!

Pittsburgh (-10) over Kansas City

We know the Steelers are going to win this game because, well, they are playing the Chiefs.  The Steelers offense isn’t so explosive, and their defense might be without Polamalu, so this 10 point line is pretty scary.  And say what you want, I don’t care how little talent they have on their team, Arrowhead in November and December is as tough as a place to play in the entire league.  One of the last few “old school” stadiums left.  I’m scared of this line, but I’m taking the Steelers.

Indianapolis (-1) over Baltimore

Old fashioned pick ‘em in Baltimore this week.  Of course if you’re reading my articles you already know who I’m picking by now.  I like the Colts. I’ve liked the Colts since week 1, and I like them all the way.  However Baltimore needs to string some wins together as they fall risk of dropping out of the AFC playoff race in the super tough AFC North so it should be solid game.

New York Giants (-6) over Atlanta

No way the Giants lose their 4th game in a row, at home, coming off of a bye, against a team who just lost to the Panthers.  Here comes my jinx quote.  Wait for it.  Wait for it.

It’s just not in the cards baby.

San Francisco (+6.5) over Green Bay

Going to be the game of the week and go right down to the wire.  Since I believe that, I obviously believe that the game will be closer than 6.5 points.  I do like the Niners to cover, and to win.  I have an inside source that told me that Frank Gore was told he’ll get French toast if he scores two touchdowns and a side of bacon if he scores three.  I like their chances.

Minnesota (-10) over Seattle

What’s with the Seahawks?  What did they do to make me hate them so much?  They haven’t won anything; they haven’t wronged the Broncos at all.  I just don’t understand my hate for them.  In related news, we’re still waiting for Adrian Peterson’s “Holy shit, he’s so much better than everyone else in the league” game.  Hopefully it comes against the stupid Seahawks.

Dallas (-11) over Washington

Does anybody realize this “Classic Rivalry” goes back way further than football?  The Cowboys and Indians have been duking it out for centuries and guess what?  The Cowboys superior technology have been keeping the natives at bay and will likely continue to do so Sunday in the new Cowboys Stadium.  Gotta like the Cowboys here.

Arizona (-8) over St. Louis

So St. Louis almost beat the Saints, that doesn’t make them good.  I did defeat Bowser in Super Mario, but I don’t feel like I’m on the same plane of existence as him, and neither should the Rams.  They are the Rams, and they stink!  Yup, rant time…

    Seriously this year in the NFL is weird.  In a league where usually parody is the answer, and every other year some teams are good and then some teams are bad, we have fallen into a year where this is very select divisions.  There’s 10 really good teams, 10 really bad teams, and 12 mediocre teams.  It’s that simple.

    But arguing who’s the best isn’t nearly as compelling as who’s the worst for this year’s campaign.  We’re seeing lousy football being taken to the next level week in and week out.  The Bills, Browns, Bucs, Raiders, Chiefs, Rams, and Lions are a new level of stench.  Any of those teams could be picked apart and called the league’s worst.  Me, I’m saying it’s the Browns.

    The same arguments I make for them can be said about most of the other above teams, specifically the Raiders, but just let it soak in.  They have to equally shitty options at quarterback.  Their running back Jamal Lewis, is below average at best, but now he’s hurt.  Their only receiving threats have been traded away (Winslow and Edwards to the Bucs and Jets respectively).  Their defense gets torched every week, and even if they didn’t, they have no house-hold names on that side of the ball.

    In fact they have two bright spots.  A fat Big 10 offensive lineman (Joe Thomas who is actually really good), who will likely move to a better team once his rookie contract is through, and a special teamer, Joe Cribbs, who was carried off in a stretcher on Monday.

    But what really makes them exceptionally pathetic is two things above all else…..

A) Eric Mangini.  B) The Fans

    Eric Mangini is a fat, useless, ugly coach.  He was bad in New York with the Jets, and he’s even worse in Cleveland with the Browns.  As if one Bilichiek coach wasn’t bad enough (Romeo Crennell) the Browns had to seek out an even lousier one.  Awful at handling personnel and even worse at handling his players individually, this man is nothing short of a joke as a coach and has set a new standard of shitty coaching.

    Their fan base is great; one of the best in the NFL.  It’s for that reason why this team’s suck is to the umpteenth power.  These fans with their ugly Brown jerseys and stupid dog face masks will go to unmatched lengths to show their love and support for their beloved team.  Yes, the same beloved team that disappeared then reappeared in 1999.  And in these ten years of the Browns being back, we’ve seen 1 playoff appearance and a 10-6 record from 2007 that seems decades away now.

    Also, Drew Carey.  I don’t like Drew Carey and his stupid Cleveland song.  Go watch a basketball game and stop rooting for the Browns and Indians you slob.

New England (-10.5) over New York Jets

After the Bills defeated the Jets in what could only be described as a classic matchup between two shitty teams, I tweeted that the Jets would finish with four wins.  Of course they went out the next week and got that fourth win.  The ball is in your court Rex Ryan.  Oh, and too bad for you that you have to play the Patriots when they have some steam to blow off.  As if coming off that devastating loss to the Colts wasn’t bad enough, you had the nerve to call them out and defeat them too.  Good luck with that.

New Orleans (-10.5) over Tampa Bay

What’s worse?  The fact that New Orleans continues to play like shit until the last few minutes of games against inferior opponents and continue to get double digit spreads, or the fact that I continue picking them to cover these absurd double digit spreads?  Not sure, but I pick them, once again, to cover a big spread against a lousy team on the road.  When a gambler learns a lesson he’s supposed to either 1) change how he bets, 2) stop betting altogether.  Yet I continue on my way of nonsense picking.  God help me.

Cincinnati (-9.5) over Oakland

I used to say the Bengals were kind of confusing, but now I realize they are just good.  They can run, throw, and defend.  Beating the Steelers twice in one season is no easy feat, and they have accomplished it whilst taking a strangle hold of the AFC North.  They are an immaculate deflection away from being 8-1 and fighting with the Colts for home field advantage.  Where did this come from?  Did Marvin Lewis finally get threatened that he might lose his job?  Why did they take four years off from being good?

Also curious to see how Larry Johnson does with a much better passing game and offensive line.  People are quick to forget he ran for 1,700+ yards in three straight seasons.  Maybe he’s out of gas, but I’m certainly intrigued.

Denver (+3) over San Diego

As I said, I’m super glad this game came earlier in the year this time around.  Last season, us Broncos fans held onto the division lead right down until week 17 when we were annihilated by the Chargers.  This year, we can just get it out of the way, work on improving our team, and come back next year ready to fight.

    BULLSHIT!!!! LET’S GO DENVERRRRRRR!!!! I AM BATDAD!!!! THE DIVISON IS OURSSS!!!!!

Philadelphia (-3) over Chicago

I’m kind of sick of picking the Eagles to cover spreads only to have them never cover them.  But you know what I’m not sick of?  Gay Butler leading the league in Interceptions!!  You stupid douche bag!!! You could be playing for a division leading team with a great young offense all around you!!! I hope you fail!!! Over and over and over again!!!!

Tennessee (+5) over Houston

Why not right?  Riding a 3 game win streak and getting 5 points.  Plus, no matter how much you wanna dog Vince Young, and believe me, I do, he does win football games.  Not only that, but he usually plays well in the spotlight.  I suspect Monday could be his “Monkey off my back” night with a big statistical win against a division rival.  Maybe this Monday could jumpstart his career which is about three years late as of now.  And my older brother Dan pointed out that his delivery resembles Uncle Rico’s from Napoleon Dynamite, which is a good thing.  Probably.

Go Broncos!