NFL Week 10

Matt Driffill

Nine full weeks of NFL action is in the books and still things are a little cloudier than I’d like them to be.  I was kind of planning on all of my predictions to be set in stone, for sure to happen, by this time.  Unfortunately, that isn’t the case just yet.

Some of my predictions are still in line.  I picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl and that couldn’t be considered a long shot by any stretch.  I picked the Cowboys to win the NFC East and the Eagles to take the wild card.  I picked the Steelers, and the Ravens, and Vikings, and all of the other obvious ones too.

One team division leader I didn’t pick however was the Denver Broncos.  The 6-2 ponies still hold a 1 game lead over the San Diego Chargers, but whether they win the division or not doesn’t really matter to me.  This is the Broncos rebuilding year, and six wins has already exceeded most fans expectations, myself included.  Any team who goes 3-2 over a five week span against Dallas, New England, San Diego, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh has to consider themselves lucky.  Throw in a miracle win in Cincinnati and you have yourself a pretty good season.

But alas, I was unable to foresee the Broncos success this year, one of many predictions that I missed out on.  So here are some “Going back in time predictions.”

--The Denver Broncos will play way over their talent level, win their first six games, then drop 10 in a row.

--The Buffalo Bills will be haunted by the passing of Dick Jauron in week four, only the ghost of football past continues to coach the team.

--The New Orleans Saints will finally have healed from all of the Hurricane Katrina drama and utilize all of the talent in Drew Brees’ birthmark.

--The Jacksonville Jaguars will stop selling tickets to avoid having more fans for the away team at their home games.

--The Detroit Lions will make monumental steps forward when they win a game.

--The St. Louis Rams will make monumental steps forward when they beat the Lions.

--The Detroit Lions will make monumental steps backward when they lose to the Rams.

--The New York Jets and Mark Sanchez will play well but prove their still one year away at least from dominating hot dog eating contests.

--The Carolina Panthers will not be the 12-4 team they were last year because of “The guy who should have been out of the league years ago, but always had tons of talent around him to make him look okay.”  Also known as John Fox.

--The New England Patriots will attempt to bring back Teddy Bruschi and Ty Law but fail as they already have jobs.  Then, after 40 more former players turn down offers, they will bring back Junior Seau.

--The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will struggle getting victories, or even staying in games, but when they do, they will be donning the uniforms of the ugliest, and least successful team in NFL history.  Oh, and they will do it against the Sports Meister’s fantasy defense.  WTF

--The Call Of Duty 4 team will deliver an outstanding game that will force college students everywhere to miss a tons of classes.

--The Assassin’s Creed team will follow up COD’s with a great effort themselves which will pretty much drop all college students to the failing level.

--The Arizona Cardinals will have an up and down season as Kurt Warner questions his faith after his second heart wrenching Super Bowl loss

--The Miami Dolphins’ Ted Ginn Jr will “drop the ball” as a wide receiver as he puts most of his focus on becoming an elite return man

--The Kansas City Chiefs will release RB Larry Johnson for using gay slurs against the Native American from the Village People, a life long Chiefs fan

--The Cincinnati Bengals will attempt to bring in an ex-Longhorn RB, but after failing to land Ricky Williams and Selvin Young they will be forced to bring in Cedric Benson.  UGH!!

--The Minnesota Vikings fan base will have a huge new group that could only be described as “stupid cowboys.”

--The San Francisco 49ers will benefit from offseason training where Coach Singletary forced his players to dig in hills and sifter through creeks for gold.

--The Atlanta Falcons will have strong quarterback play, but it won’t be from Michael Vick

--The New York Giants will trade their Steve Smith for the Panthers’ Steve Smith, but not tell anybody about it.  Nobody will know.

--The Chicago Bears will flirt with being .500 and above .500 but their quarterback will still flirt with 20 INT’s and a muffled hair cut

--The Dallas Cowboys will find a star player in somebody who breaks up with their overweight girlfriend (Maybe somebody like Miles Austin?”

--The Green Bay Packers will be really jacked up to beat Brett Favre.  So jacked up that they actually miss the game when they’re still in the locker room jumping around and yelling.  Football is a very emotional game.

--The Philadelphia Eagles will not utilize Michael Vick that often for punishment for not being able to defeat the Eagles in the NFC Championship 5 years ago.  Had Vick and the Falcons been able to, the loss in the Super Bowl, the questions surrounding McNabb, and Freddie Mitchell could have been avoided.

--The San Diego Chargers will have a ton of talent, and coach Norv Turner, as he as always done, will utilize it just enough to disappoint everybody.  He’s still getting back at the kids that bullied him so many years ago and that are now bookies.

--The Cleveland Browns will throw games in attempts to get the #1 overall pick.  However they will not tell their fan base about it despite that they would much rather hear that than have to deal with their coach consciously starting Derek Anderson at QB.

--The Pittsburgh Steelers will struggle to find motivation as defending champs.  But the motivation will come when they group together to beat up a reporter who’s dodging questions about Troy Polamalu’s hair and his use of Head and Shoulders.

And now onto the picks.....

Last Week (5-8-0)

Season (68-57-1)

Home Teams in Bold

San Francisco (-3) over Chicago

One got blown out by the defending NFC Champs and the other lost to the Titans.  What’s worse? I’m not sure, but I got a feelin’ that Frank Smore is going to see a twinkie in the end zone and finally score.  Or maybe Gay Butler and the Bears just “AREN’T WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!”

New York Jets (-6.5) over Jacksonville

This game is actually scheduled in Jacksonville. but every season ticket holder has cancelled and every other ticket has been bough by a Jets fan.  If the Jags had some talent I might consider picking them here, but there missing a lot of that “T” word.  Maybe next year in the draft they’ll consider drafting a little “T” themselves.  God I hope Tebow doesn’t go to the Jaguars.

Denver (-4) at Washington

After a murderous schedule the last month the Broncos get Jim Zorn and the Redskins.  Thank god, just the morale boost we need as we prepare for another Rocky Mountain collapse as the Chargers close in for the second straight year.  Although the Redskins did look feisty when they only lost by 14 last week.  Watch out for them.

Pittsburgh (-7) over Cincinnati

Last week I said, “I don’t see the Giants losing four games in a row.  It’s just not in the cards baby.”  Well, they lost.  So let me continue my moronic ways of picking.  I don’t see the Steelers losing to the Bengals twice in one season. It’s just not in the cards baby.

Tennessee (-5.5) over Buffalo

Tennessee is riding a two game win streak when the Buffalo Bills come into town.  Whereas the Bills haven’t played a game since the first week when they nearly beat the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football.  Oh, you say they’ve played games since then?  Sorry, I was too busy snoozing every time they play!  Boring!!!!

Minnesota (-16.5) over Detroit

I think a better line in this game would be Adrian Peterson (+3) against the Lions.  You have to figure this is going to be one of those “That’s why he’s the best back in the NFL” weeks.  Either now or sooner or later because he still hasn’t had his this season.

New Orleans (-13.5) St. Louis

These lines are steep!  Fortunately for gamblers so is the metaphorical mountain the Rams would have to climb in order to defeat the undefeated Saints.  Unfortunately for Rams coach Steve Spagnola, his metaphorical mountain is kind of a real one because he’s so f’n short.

Atlanta (-1.5) over Carolina

Atlanta’s only a one point favorite over the Panthers?  Are the Panthers good?  NO!  They’re not good this year!  They beat the Cardinals because Warner was questioning his faith again, that’s all.  I’ll start betting the Panthers when Jake Delhomme quits the NFL.  And that’s the sad part; he’ll get to quit instead of being forced out by lousy play.  How is this?

Miami (-10) over Tampa Bay

Battle of two of the USA’s favorite vacation spots.  My family has generally chosen Tampa over Miami.  However this has nothing do with the cities’ football teams.  The Dolphins are a lot better than the Buccaneers and should have little trouble disposing them.

Oakland (-1.5) over Kansas City

Darren McFadden returns to an offense than desperately needs help.  Oh wait, Darren McFadden isn’t any good anyways!!! God Damn you fantasy football magazine!!!  You screwed me once again!!!

Arizona (-9) over Seattle

Kurt Warner’s faith has been restored, and the Cardinals are only as good as their quarterbacks religiosity.  It helps that god hates the Seahawks.  Everybody hates the Seahawks, their F’n lame.

Philadelphia (+3.5) over San Diego

I don’t know if the Eagles are going to win as much as I’m desperately hoping they win.  If they win, they cover.  If they win, the Chargers don’t tie the Broncos the same week Denver some how chokes a win away against the Redskins.  What?  Oh god no.

Dallas (-3) over Green Bay

The Cowboys are on top of the NFC East.  If anything, that would mean some complacency could set in and they could definitely lose a trap game in Green Bay where the Packers are desperate for a W.  So after debating with myself, I am keeping my original pick and hoping Miles Austin continues his hot streak right into the Fantasy Football Toilet Bowl Playoffs.  God knows my team isn’t making the big dance.

Indianapolis (-2.5) over New England

Is this the game of the year?  Yeah.  It’s always the game of the year.  It’s a battle of who will eventually become the two greatest quarterbacks of all time.  They have been the two most successful teams of this decade, and the best rivalry the NFL has seen in some time.  There aren’t a ton of football games I get pumped to watch from start to finish, but this is one of them.

Baltimore (-11) over Cleveland

How the hell did Cleveland sneak their way into Monday Night Football?  Did Drew Carey have something to do with this?  I am curious to see how ESPN tries to market this game as Big-Time matchup of AFC Rivals.  Also excited to see if the often witty ESPN guys make a joke at themselves.  Something like Chris Carter saying... “This one goes out to the ESPN family of networks for having the Cleveland Browns, I repeat, THE CLEVELAND BROWNS on Monday Night Football.  Come on man!”

Come on Man!